❥ OUR VERY SPECIAL BASQUE WEDDING!!
Notre mariage au Pays Basque—le coin le plus charmant du monde !
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It has come and gone, the wedding!!!! An event of love that we spent a year and a half planning and detailing—and enjoying minute by minute as it was unfolding. Our wedding day/weekend was a time that I can only describe as COMPLETELY ENCHANTING. We tried our best to encapsulate all of the things that make us a unit of two people in love: language, culture, food, architecture, design, vintage ephemera, photography, travel, clothing, people, etc., etc., etc. and wrap it up into a neat little package. We wanted it to be unfussy, “in our image” (“à votre image” is word-for-word how many of the French guests described it afterward), FUN as ever, sweet, not focused on just us, and sentimental for everyone involved. Our hope was to feel like we were singing, dancing, shouting, hugging, kissing, and eating the best meal with a small group of friends and family members who have watched us grow up as individuals and together as a couple.
It was all of that and more—somehow!!!
I’m sharing with you some French rituals for marriage, how we honored the Basque heritage of Jb’s maternal family, our clothing and accessories, little moments I loved—and more!
Thank you for reading, and for caring!
❥ A tip: this writing is crazy long, so if you want to see the best part of the wedding, you can skip down to the part when we’re exiting the church. Lots of dancing and smiling and food and Basque-ness!
France wedding rituals and early stages of planning
In France, you must be legally married at the mairie (town hall) before you choose to marry at a religious or non-religious ceremony. You can only get mairie married in the city you live in, or the city your parents live in. We live in beautiful Toulouse, a large city which Jb was born and raised in, but we didn’t feel a super connection to the idea of being married here. In fact, I don’t think it crossed our minds at all as an option! His parents live in the Basque Country, and his maternal family is Basque on the France side. We have spent a ton of time together in this unique part of the world. We adore it, have so many memories thanks to this location, and we love the food and the nature and the architecture. Oh, and we became engaged at a castle there! It was automatically a top contender for where we wanted to be married, and pretty early in the planning, we landed on the decision unanimously.
I also have to note that during our lives, neither of us ever envisioned having a wedding. I always joked that I was going to run away and elope in Europe one day, and he just never pictured it happening. We deeply respect the institution of marriage (obviously), but a wedding wasn’t our idea of the good way to begin a lifetime with someone. Especially financially!!! I always thought (and still think) that it is ridiculous to spend your life savings/go into debt over one day. Planning and money spending aside, I am VERY glad that we went through with it and hosted our loved ones in southwestern France. I wouldn’t change any detail at all about how it happened, and I’ll forever remember it with a big, glistening, shining ray of glowing happiness shooting right into my heart!
As soon as we made the obvious decision to go Basque, it took us some time to land on the exact details of the locations. We also had limitations because we didn’t want to spend a ton of money and we didn't want our families to spend even a dime on us (besides travel costs because we couldn’t avoid that part).
We started with the church. I am not religious or baptized, and Jb was raised Catholic. We were worried (no, it was only me who was worried!) that we would have an impossible time finding a church and priest who would willingly marry an agnostic American who spoke not-perfect French and zero Basque. Surprisingly, we found an incredibly generous priest almost immediately. He seemed up for the challenge and was so, so, so accepting of our situation. He welcomed us with open arms and he appreciated the general curiosity that we have toward religion, culture, and history. He knew how serious we both were, and how much heart we were putting into this. Each meeting with him throughout the year was filled with love and felt like a mini therapy session, in a positive way. We feel incredibly grateful toward him!
It also worked out perfectly that he was able to marry us in the church where Jb’s maternal grandparents were married in the 1950s! The moment we visited it for the first time, we were giddy about the smallness and intimacy of the teeny town of Biriatou, and the unbelievable history—both personal and literal—of the place. The town was founded in the 9th century; parts of the church were built in 1305, some in the 16th century, and the remainder in 1852. It looks cinematic in photographs, and absolutely, exhaustingly wonderful in real life.
Home for the week
Next to the petite chapel, just down a glorious flight of stone steps, is a 15th-century Auberge Hiribarren.* It’s practically a five-bedroom home with a gorgeous restaurant at the base. One side has floor-to-ceiling windows of a lush valley and the border of Spain, and the other looks into the narrow corridor of the town center. Honestly, each time we visited, the experience felt like it was out of a film. Imagine: the church bells occasionally clanging, the delicate voices of birds, the iron heart-shaped seats on the patio, the Basque red shutters, the calmness and privacy, the spotted cocker spaniel who emphatically greets you, and an occasional pelote game being played on the adjacent fronton. It was a sensory delight, rain or shine. The man who owns the auberge happens to also be the chef, a florist, and interior designer with immaculate and unique taste. In other words, it’s perfect.
*Skip to the bottom to see Hiribarren’s connection to Coco Chanel.
For a couple of days before and after the wedding day, we stayed in the auberge, and for a night or two leading up to the celebration, we had my best friends sleeping there too. On the night of the wedding, we had the entire auberge for ourselves for basically a giant sleepover party, except we didn’t sleep because French weddings DO! NOT! STOP! More on this below.
Civil ceremony
On Friday, we read our personal vows in our Hiribarren room together. His letter to me was in French, mine in English. SO sentimental and I loved that we made time for this private, emotional moment.
We ate lunch downstairs with my dear friends Jess, Preston, and Molly. The owner of the auberge wanted to make us something spontaneous and off-menu and we were floored by how beautiful and delicious everything was. I wish I had the cooking talent of him and his team, my goodness.
Then we got dressed and headed to the mairie (town hall) to meet a condensed group of family and friends (a lot of friends were still working, driving in, or their flights hadn’t arrived yet). As I mentioned above, the mairie civil ceremony is typically 15 minutes long and the mayor marries you. The mayor of Hendaye was very kind and precious, and he read us some Edith Piaf lyrics at the end, hugging and kissing us. Our witnesses signed the paperwork alongside us, and we received our livret de famille (family book)—where we will legally keep track of children, deaths, and separations. We’re officially, in the eyes of the government, a FAMILY! Wow.
My long-time and irreplaceable friend, Molly, is an angel and agreed to be our photographer for the hour! She is undeniably one of my favorite photographers and I adore her as a person, so it meant SO MUCH to be able to have her experienced and thoughtful eyes on this special moment. I didn’t want to ask her to photograph our actual wedding day because I wanted her to be able to enjoy it fully. So the fact that she said yes to documenting this equally-important ceremony was so, so, so sweet and a great way to incorporate her photography talent in our weekend of love. She went above and beyond capturing all of the details and we are thankful times a million. We’ll never be able to thank her enough! MERCI, MOLLY!!!!
For my clothes lovers
I wore: a vintage 1970s House of Bianchi lace dress with a Basque-style drop waist, a vintage ‘90s silver swirl necklace, found hair accessory, and lace-up espadrilles with crinkled silk leg ties. I found this dress on Etsy a few weeks after we were engaged…for $100. It was in pristine condition and fit me like a glove! While I had the craziest decision paralysis regarding my Saturday wedding outfit, my Friday civil ceremony dress was the first one I found and purchased—and I loved it. It’s so sweet. I bought the shoes shortly after, thinking that it would fit the Basque theme, but then changed my mind and bought some faux Carel Paris heels. Because of this, I didn’t hem the dress. A few days before the wedding, I reverted back to wearing the espadrilles. It would feel like a crime to not represent this type of footwear in this region of the world—the birthplace of the espadrille! I wish you could see more of the shoes, but my dress covers the beautiful leg ties.
Jb wore: A double-breasted navy suit he had custom-made for himself when he lived out his Mad Men-esque advertising days in Paris. He ordered a few vintage Pierre Cardin ties online and none of them arrived in time for Friday afternoon—which ended up being great! I really liked the double-breasted suit sans tie. After the civil ceremony, we took a pit stop at the shop where his packages were delivered and picked up some of the ties! So he had a dreamy vintage one for the next day!
After the mairie, all of us went to Jb’s parents’ house and had a sweet backyard afternoon. It was surreal to see my family socializing around their home, to see my long-time friends huddled together on the lawn with laughter, to see his nephew playing basketball with a mixed French-American group. I loved it!
Welcoming dinner
In France, it’s typical to have a brunch the morning after the wedding, but it’s usually full of disastrously hungover or still-drunk people because French weddings usually end between 5-7am. We decided to go against this tradition and do something that felt more American: a rehearsal/welcoming dinner the night before. Since all of my side hadn’t met his side, it was important to us for everyone to know one another a little before the big day!
Along Bay Txingudi in Hendaye, just across from Spain, there’s a café called Jimba, which is attached to a sporting goods store and their surf/scuba/sailing/etc. research center. It has a rooftop for casual dining and enjoying the view, and we often eat there whenever we’re visiting Hendaye. It’s run by two awesomely sunny, surfer-y guys, Julien and Tyto, and their dream of a chef, Coco. We were pretty excited that they agreed to host our welcoming cocktail night, especially because their food is always fresh, unique, and reeeeeeeally delicious.
Friday night clothing
I wore: a teal vintage Jean Varon 1970s silk dress with puffed sleeves, kept the same hair and neck accessories, and added my fake Carel Paris patent leather heals. I bought the dress to wear to a friend’s wedding, but for the whole year, I kept envisioning it as also being the perfect vintage French mermaid-y dress for a moment by the sea! I didn’t mind that I was about to be an outfit repeater, even for my own wedding weekend. In hindsight, I wish I would have worn my hair down for this portion because it’s still odd to see myself with my hair up.
Jb wore: The suit from the mairie, minus the jacket, plus his everyday red Vans!
The night ended just after midnight. One of my favorite parts, besides sharing this beautiful spot with our loved ones, was sitting at a table doing ceviche passion fruit “shots” with my friends. I think I ate maybe seven spoonfuls in a row.
*THE DAY*
We had a three-course lunch with my friends who were staying in the auberge, and then I ran upstairs to get my hair and makeup done. I haven’t had a professional haircut since 2008, so I cut my own hair as usual and hoped for the best with the hairstylist. Jess arranged my flowers on the patio just a few feet away from me, while Molly snuck some film photos over the balcony wall and then joined to help with the flowers. To be honest, I don’t really care about flowers, which is sort of an insane thing to say, especially as my middle name is Rose. So I didn’t mind if our wedding had zero of them! Jb’s mom wanted to decorate the church, so she planned that portion and I am really thankful that she did. Her flowers were immaculate and a really beautiful detail during the ceremony!
As for my bouquet, I was very much resisting having one!! I thought it would just be a nuisance to hold/an expense/another thing to have to plan in another language with a stranger. These points were all true. After I struck out with florists all over, Jb called a flower shop and asked if they could have a dozen Juliette roses available for us to pick up the day of the wedding. He woke up early to grab them (angel x10000) and then Jess, being the florist that she is/was, offered to make them beautiful for me. It was so special that she was the one to arrange my bouquet. THANK YOU, JESS!! And in the end, they were very dainty and beautiful! A pop of color that I love seeing in photographs. Maybe flowers aren’t so bad after all.
Clothing!!!
I wore: A sort-of-bespoke Cortana raw organic silk skirt and top from Barcelona, a silk scarf that came alongside a 1950s vintage ballgown (it was a shimmering dark yellow, so I stripped the dye to match the color of the Cortana dress), and what I call my Françoise Hardy golden heels.
I bought some vintage accessories, but didn’t have enough time to think about adding them before rushing off to start the ceremony. Shoot!!! This includes: my Nana’s 1960s massive faux pearl earrings, a vintage hair clip, and some vintage clip-on earrings that I was thinking of clipping onto my skirt or shoes in some way, to give the look a little more pizzazz. The only time I was remotely stressed or nervous the entire week was that hour leading up to the ceremony because of some uncontrollable delays throughout the day that ate up my time buffer. But in the end, none of it matters and everything was perfect!
He wore: A really beautifully textured medium-blue suit from a menswear brand in England that he had tailored perfectly, a mustard-meets-chartreuse-colored vintage Pierre Cardin tie, handsome handmade black leather shoes (with bare ankles—that always truly makes me weak in the knees), and secret charms belonging to his late grandmother in his pockets—for good luck!
All of our super, super beautiful wedding photos on Saturday were taken by Clarisse de Thoisy, who I discovered about a year ago. She is a professional wildlife photographer in the Basque Country who, at the time, had just started shooting weddings. Our first phone call was about an hour long and full of sweet giggling! She spoke fluent English, which was a pleasant surprise to me, and she instantly felt like a friend. I loved having her with us on the wedding day—she and her photos are just perfect! We couldn’t be happier with the entire experience of having Clarisse document the specialness of being married.
The church ceremony
My dad walked me down the aisle, which was as sentimental as it sounds! At first, we could hear that the wrong song was playing (something by Edith Piaf, coincidentally), so my dad appeared inside the church without me, and I think people were alarmed for a moment. Then, they got the music situated, and we made our way into the church together to the tune of Ladyfingers, a song that’s really sentimental to Jb and me. I weirdly wasn't nervous at all during any of these moments—just overwhelmingly giddy!
Our ceremony was in French, but I gave a short welcoming speech in English and we said the pre-written vows in English. Basque singers from Jb’s dad’s choir group had their voices booming through the church between the priest’s words. It was really moving! We exchanged rings in French. His little 3-year-old nephew brought our rings to us. I was really proud to calmly remember my line in all of the excitement! Jean-baptiste, reçois cette alliance, signe de mon amour et de ma fidélité. Our rings are heirloom. My engagement ring was his great-great-grandmother’s, who was Basque. It’s around 150 years old! My wedding band was my Nana’s wedding ring, with our initials and wedding date engraved next to theirs. His wedding band was melted down from his mother’s family’s old gold rings, and engraved too. His two best friends were his witnesses and signed our marriage register, while Molly and my sister Shelby were my beautiful witnesses.
The exit
About a year ago, when we were brainstorming what our ideal wedding would look like, we asked Jb’s parents if they could possibly pull some strings to have Basque singers and dancers perform. His mom dances in a group and his dad sings, so we hoped that it didn’t seem like too much of an outrageous request! We had seen many performances and spectacles across Hendaye over the last few years, and always treasured those aspects of Basque life. They pulled it off! They told us we would have some singers and dancers, but we didn't know how many people would be performing and the overall SCALE of the excitement. They created an unforgettable spirit for the entire afternoon, that lasted into the evening and into our memories forever!!!
When we began exiting the church, it was marvelous to see them holding up archways and swords along the periphery of the historic steps. I immediately recognized their faces—they were the very well-known dancers who we had seen perform a couple of summers ago. I remember falling in love truly with this part of the world during that specific performance. I couldn’t believe that they were at our wedding! Jb and I made our way down the stairs and gave our mercis to each and every person.
It was slightly misting with rain, but in a way that felt romantic. We turned and saw Jb’s dad standing on the stone courtyard alone, with all of our guests circled around him at the lower level. He preformed the Basque wedding dance of honor for us! He was leaping gracefully to the sound of a flute, circling his pointed legs, and holding his arms behind his back. I felt all of my feelings welling up in me, knowing that he doesn’t dance, that he’s been suffering from injured knees for the past few months, and that he learned this incredibly sentimental, ritualistic dance for us. I started crying. And then, when he finished the dance, Jb’s mother joined him to present us with a Basque makhila (traditional walking stick), engraved with our names in Basque, and honoring the new family we’ve created together.
Oh, I was a puddle of mush, and I know Jb was too!!!!
The dancers preformed a few dances for us, spinning, yelping loudly, and gaining momentum with the music. The mist was ongoing, and the wind was picking up. I kept almost losing my silk scarf, so I wrapped it around Jb’s shoulders in a little movement of love. Out of nowhere, one of the main dancers grabbed my umbrella and my hand and whisked me away. Jb’s mom grabbed my other hand, then she held Jb’s, and everyone linked arms. We circled around the platform, then snaked down the stairs, still hopping, laughing loudly, and being totally in the moment of happiness. What a surprise! We got to the base of the tall, historic steps and cheered, kissing one another and taking a big breath to realize how amazing and unexpected all of these minutes were.
Now started our cocktail hours, photographs with family and friends, and some precious moments of Jb and me sneaking away for some pictures.
Cocktail hour(s)
Cocktail hour was probably closer to two hours long, including group photos and us having a blast with the singers, dancers, and musicians. This was one of my favorite parts of the weekend! I LOVED jumping into the dance circles and learning some traditional footwork (with my dress very heavy from all of the rain it absorbed!), creating more line dances along the fronton, singing along to Basque songs with everyone, watching everyone’s new Basque grandpa play some type of horn, and profiting from the joy on everyone’s faces. I made sure to take the time to notice how big everyone’s smiles were. It felt like I was witnessing the most pure form of happiness on the faces of our family and friends. For the first time, they were discovering the specialness of this part of the world and it really felt like they were connected to it with all of their hearts!
Another thing! We were so worried that it would rain during our celebration because canopies always ruin the spirit historic architecture and we didn’t want the dancers or guests to be soaked. While it did mist and then pour rain from the church exit until the next day, it actually made it feel more storybook-like! It was kinda fun to have our hair dewey and glistening, my dress and scarf’s silk pieces blowing in the wind, the bottom of my dress sweeping around our wet and active footsteps, and the sound of thunder rolling through the restaurant’s open windows during dinnertime. Nothing could ruin our great experience.
I still can’t get over the sight of seeing my dad holding hands with my since-high-school dear friend, or my brother-in-law holding Jb’s mom’s best friend’s hand while dancing. The connections that we never imagined our loved ones having with one another! It’s too much!!!
Le Dîner
Dinner was awesome because as I mentioned, Peio at Hiribarren is a chef—and a heavenly one! He and his staff outdid themselves, exceeding our dreams in every way. I LOVE eating. I keep telling everyone that food doesn’t taste good anymore after living at Hiribarren for five days. I had some friends in the days after the wedding texting me pictures of great meals they were enjoying around France and Spain, with the overall sentiment of: “but it wasn’t Hiribarren good.” For dinner, we sat at a long table with our family members on either side of us, and then four other tables held a mixture of our friends.
Our five-course menu (totally normal course number for French weddings):
Langoustine with lobster foam over seasonal vegetables
Turbot from nearby Saint-Jean-de-Luz in a coral sauce
Salted veal from a nearby farm with forest potatoes
Traditional village Basque cheeses
One of three flavors of Hiribarren’s famous Gâteau Basque (hazelnut, cherry, or crème) with homemade vanilla bean cream beside it
Plus wine, wine, wine! I am very sensitive to alcohol and never drink, but I did have some teeny sips of champagne during cocktail hour and a sip of red wine—both were delicious!
Peio and his team set the beautiful tables and provided his floral arrangements for us. Every time we eat at his restaurant, we marvel at his tableware, so it was nice to have these little familiar touches. I’m always collecting vintage postcards wherever I go, so this was an opportunity to gather a bunch of Basque-related ones and give them as party favors. Each seat had a menu I created with Basque font (English and French versions), a vintage postcard that I thought each guest would like, and a name card. A small detail I liked was adding swirled metal paperclips, which mirror the ones Ray Eames used at the Eames Office (and my necklace from the day before)!
We literally picked names out of a hat in order to mix up our seating arrangement. Risky, but some of our French guests knew enough English to have fun with my side! It was cute to see that some of our guests were clipping their name card to their clothes in order for the other-language-speaking friends to understand what the heck to call each other. “Kelsey” is VERY tough for people to understand in France, so if I weren’t the bride who knew everyone, I probably would have worn my name tag too. We loved seeing every table having fun together throughout the 2ish-hour meal! Lots of lively conversations.
Also, a shoutout to
because I had seen her make a sweet pile of paper goods for friends at her birthday dinner a while back, and that was my inspirational guidance for these table settings. :)
Dancing queens
As dessert started, we pushed some tables aside on the lower level of the restaurant and grabbed some plates of Gateau Basque. I headed straight for the hazelnut, and then immediately a few feet away to the dance floor. It felt very *me* to be spinning around with my Basque cake while dancing to ABBA’s Waterloo. Maybe a choking hazard, but who cares, I’m in love!!!!!!!!!
It was very important for us to eliminate of a lot of wedding traditions and for it to feel more like an intimate dinner with our loved ones, instead of a scripted wedding night. We didn’t want the extra attention of speeches, first dances, bouquet tosses, cake cutting, wearing a veil, and all of that. We honored a LOT of traditions already that gave us a common wedding structure—like being married in a church, having a seated dinner, having a bouquet, etc. So it was nice to kinda break the rules after. We’re really happy with this decision (and also, no judgment to weddings that follow more rules)!
After dinner, I took the top off of my dress, pulled the skirt up to be a tube top, and wrapped the silk ties all around me. I had a blast dancing in my ‘50s ball-esque silhouette—and newly ombréd thanks to the rain! A sneaky outfit change!
In true French fashion, we danced until around 5:30am. Non-stop. Ecstatically! More than half of our guests stayed until the end, which is admirable. The walls of the auberge were SHAKING from the sound, we lost a few bottles of wine from the shelves on the wall (I still feel bad about this), Peio was on the dance floor with us, someone lost their purse and we had to turn the lights on to start a group search party, said purse was found in the taxi shuttle, and someone fell and cut their head open, bleeding all over the dance floor. He was okay! And then we ended with one last song, hugging and kissing each other (maybe with a little blood involved) and sending everyone off to enjoy their Sunday mornings in bed. I’ve never stayed up that late or had that much fun EVER.
In the following days, we ran around France and Spain with our families and some of my friends, eating and boating and reliving our fun memories together. The rest of our friends went back to life in Toulouse and Paris or traveled around for a week until heading back home safely to the US. For now, we’ll keep daydreaming of sharing this special part of the world together again in the future.
Last Notes (although I could go on forever):
This is the story of my wedding dress saga. I feel motivated to write another post about the clothing and accessories from the day, and what my historic inspirations were. Stay tuned!!!
What I loved was hearing our American loved ones say “FRENCH WEDDINGS ARE AWESOME!” and the French side saying “I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A WEDDING LIKE THIS!” It was seriously Basque in most of the ways, and even so, we had a special group of well-known Basque singers and dancers who don’t even typically mix amongst each other. So it was a truly unique creation! I’ll never forget the specialness of it all and will never know how we landed in this lucky place. I’m even more motivated to learn all that I can about this beautiful culture and language.
It was heartwarming seeing my family and friends’ reactions to Basque life and I think every single person mentioned that they are somehow scheming of ways to move there (including us) or visit frequently. It seemed like Biarritz and Saint-Jean-de-Luz captured hearts the most.
Speaking of Biarritz, Coco Chanel made it her home away from home by opening a shop there, and there is even a sighting of her on the steps of the church we were married at. She was a customer of Auberge Hiribarren at some point!!!
Can anyone identify the woman on the left??? Everyone I know seems to be saying “now that you’re married, you’re French!” which is very untrue! I have a French last name now, but I am def miles (/kilometers) away from being French. I’m still a foreigner who needs to renew my Visa to live and work in France every year, which comes with appointments, lots of paperwork, some government-assigned classes, and crossing my fingers. I do have a lot of ease here thanks to being *associated* with a French person, but marriage didn’t change that. We got married because we deeply wanted to!!!
I never thought that my beginnings as a creative and shy little girl from Arizona would lead to me to having a life in France and getting married to my dream person in the Basque Country!!! Although I surely did daydream frequently as a child about an unusual, art-centric life far, far away from Phoenix. Life is enchanting and I can’t wait to see what happens next for us.
xx
With love from a Madame !!!!
Kelsey Rose
It still makes me cry that we were unable to make it. This made me feel like I was there and able to enjoy seeing you both light up with each other. As always, so proud of the beautiful woman you became. Xoxo, Amiee
Thank you for sharing your special moments with us! Everything was absolutely beautiful. ❤️